Child to parent (in this case mother);
“You act like you are 16 years old.. why do you have to sulk when you don’t get your own way?”
The shock from hearing these words spewed from the mouth of a child to a parent still brings shock waves through my body to this day and this was a few years ago. A recent similar incident witnessed on a subway train brought this back to me and I decided to write this piece.
Is this the new wave of the future? When has this become the norm? Where has the mother/parent of the eighties gone? The strong dominant force who rules the household and whom children respect and listen to? When have we reached the stage where a daughter can say this to her mother,
“You act like you are 16 years old.. why do you have to sulk when you don’t get your own way?”
or a boy can say;
“Why do you have to act like you’re stupid all the time?”
Is it just me or is there not just something seriously wrong with a relationship such as this or am I just too ole school?
What had to have happened for this to be the norm here, the accepted pattern of behaviour? From the little I know of the situation in the case of the daughter mentioned above, this seemed to arise out of a precedent that was set long ago.. set when a mother seeks to become a friend rather than a mother to a child. When a child is allowed to in essence ‘rule’ her (parent) to the point where a mother no longer has the necessary authority to either discipline or guide a child. When a child takes on adult qualities relinquished by a parent. When children are allowed to be involved in adult activities unregulated by their parents, or to be privy to information that a child should never have access to.
I believe that parents have a GOD given right to guide/mould their children in such a way that when they themselves are adults they can pass on these values to their children. There should be no need for a child to become a pawn in a relationship gone sour between a husband and a wife or a couple.
Children are truly a product of their environment. It ached me way deep inside to see the way that this mother defered to her child, begged her to be nice to her, to do something for her. It was truly disturbing.
The tone of voice to begin with is that of a parent talking to a slow child, then not to mention what was being said..the lack of respect so glaring. I care not if you are or may have been disappointed in the choices that your parent(s) have made, and possibly continue to make, respect is and always will be still due. The inherent lack of gratitude and total disrespect are all just incomprehensible.
My total inability to comprehend this kind of behaviour I credit and profusely and continually thank my parents for. I was brought up in a home where parents were parents; guiders, disciplinarians and with whom there was a distinct separation between ‘Parent’ and ‘Child’. So much so that I am only now as a twenty-something year old, trying to be friends.
My belief is this: When a child becomes an adult, that is the time when a parent needs to become a friend; prior to that, a parent needs to be a parent and command the respect that that position is due.
I shudder to think what my mother’s response would be a tone like that from me… much less what my father would..not just say but rather do if I were to dare use that particular tone to either him or my mother.
I don’t know if that is respect or if that is fear but whatever it is……it’s something that would stop me in my tracks immediately to such an extent that I would rather be silent than to cross that line.
Lord help me I pray if GOD so chooses to bless me with children that they attempt to speak to me in that tone…I swear they would swallow all 32 teeth regardless of how old they are or how much they may have achieved more than me. And NO that is NOT child abuse that is simply enforcing discipline that will ensure that they do not end up in the hands of the police later in life.
Have you ever had any such startling experiences….? Do feel free to share.
Blessings, Mz. Spice