Well, its certainly been a minute since I’ve been here…sad that it is a devastating occurrence which has brought me back but I guess that is the nature of life. There have been times in my life when I’ve thought that I was at my worst, but death has a way of making those moments seem like a walk in the park. Recently, I lost my Dad, and up to this moment I don’t think that I’ve grasped what that really means. Intellectually, I know that he is no longer physically here, I’ve seen him at the morgue but it’s as if I know he’s not there. I looked at him and felt numb, I couldn’t feel his spirit there, but strange enough I can feel it at home; In the chair where he always sat, the room where he slept, the van he always drove, the fruits that he planted that we are now reaping, that’s where I feel him, not in that freezer. He was always in perpetual motion, full of energy, that’s how I remember him, not the way that he is presented now, cold and stiff.

Which brings me to the question, do loved ones really part? Or is it that it’s still so fresh that I feel like he’s still here? Is it that it just hasn’t hit me yet? Why am I so numb? Is my mind simply preventing me from feeling?

I’m amazed that I can even write, that I am coherent enough to put my thoughts and feelings in print.  I’m at peace though, for I know deep down that my Dad was ready and that he had accepted that his end was near. What I can’t begin to conceptualize is that his vitality is gone, never to be heard, seen or felt again when I am certain that I can still feel him.